It only feels right to start this off with bragging a little bit about the two loves of my life, how amazing they are, and what they mean to me…
My husband Nick and I were both born and raised in California. We have been together for what will be 10 years this year and married for 1. He’s literally the ying to my yang. I’m a dreamer and he’s a realist. Im weird and he’s normal. I’m impulsive and he’s a planner. I’m wild and he’s tame. I’m loud and he’s quiet. I could go on and on. While we are opposites in many ways, we are also very much the same. We balance each other beautifully and help one another to see the world from a different perspective. We are always learning from one another and growing TOGETHER. He is truly one of my best friends and hubby all in one. I am SO thankful for him!
Our 4.5 year old daughter Autumn is my absolute WORLD. She will be 5 in September and I really need time to slow down lol She is my dream come true, my best friend, my mini me, and my sunshine. She is such a bright light and has a way of bringing a huge smile to anyone’s face. She is wild, loving, and fierce. A definite force of nature and such a free spirit. Her energy and passion for life leaves me in complete awe and admiration. I want to be more like her! Lol Whatever she chooses to do in life, I know it will be nothing less than amazing. She’s is going to light this world on fire! Im SO extremely proud and blessed that she chose me to be her Mama. I love her beyond words.
Now to start the part of the story where life took us down a road we would have NEVER chosen for ourselves…
In January 2020, we took a huge leap and moved to Texas. My parents had moved there a few years prior and then Nick got a great job offer that we couldn’t refuse. It was really difficult to leave family and friends and we miss them every day, but we had to do what was best for our family’s future.
On August 21st 2020, we got married. A week later on August 28th, we became first time home owners, and got the keys to our new home. Just a few hours later, my husband received a heartbreaking call that my father-in-law had passed away. It was a very bittersweet day to say the least.
After we moved to Texas, we decided to start trying for our second, and final little one. After a long time went by with no success and me experiencing abnormal periods (if I got it at all), I went and saw my OBGYN. She did an ultrasound, biopsy, and ran multiple blood tests. Never did I imagine I would be getting the call I received a week later…
My Dr. called me the afternoon of February 25th and I could instantly hear in her voice that she sounded uncomfortable and uneasy. She told me that all of my blood tests came back normal execept for my AMH level (Anti-mullarian hormone) which determines your egg count/fertility level. My number was 0.04. She went on to tell me that most 40 year olds who are starting to experience infertility problems, are at a 0.1 and I’m already far below that. Especially with me being only 32.
She had further concerns that I was in Perimenopause due to my AMH number and me already having symptoms that sounded just like hot flashes, mood swings, and night sweats. She referred me to a infertility specialist and then informed me that with my numbers being so low, IVF may be the only treatment they will be able to offer me, and that “time is of the essence”.
I asked her approx what 1 round of IVF costs. She said it’s around 15K-25K per round and that it takes most couples 3 or more rounds to conceive. I knew right then that if that was my ONLY option, I would be out of luck because there was NO way we could afford that. After I hung up with her, I felt so many overwhelming feelings rush through me. Mainly anger, sadness, and disbelief. I just shut it all down and went numb to any feeling at all. I held onto hope that there would be a treatment other than IVF that they could try. NEVER did I think it could get worse than that…
I made an appt with the infertility specialist and she was shocked by how low my AMH levels were for my age and didn’t understand why when everything else looked normal. She told me she wanted to re-test my AMH levels to be sure there wasn’t an error at the lab and also wanted me to get a genetic blood test for Fragile X syndrome. She said it’s a rare genetic condition that I most likely don’t have, but she just wanted to rule out. Welllllllll jokes on me…
When my test results came back, my infertility Specialist informed me that my AMH levels actually DROPPED from the already abnormally low 0.04 to an even lower 0.015!! She told me that I have little to no eggs remaining and there is nothing they can do for me. She also confirmed that I am indeed in Perimenopause AKA early uterine failure. To top it all off, I also tested positive for being a Premutation carrier of the rare genetic condition Fragile X Syndrome. It turns out 20% of premutation carriers like myself, get Perimenopause…lucky me.
My infertility specialist referred me to a Genetic Counselor to discuss my diagnosis further and make a plan for my future health since all of these things can possibly cause health issues down the line. Worst of all…We sadly think that Autumn who has already been diagnosed with a speech disorder, may actually have full Fragile X Syndrome that I genetically passed to her. We are currently in the process of having her tested. I hope she doesn’t have it for the sake of her health, but if she does, it’s simply just a part of what makes her her beautifully unique self, and I wouldn’t change her for the world!
One of the positive things that I’ve learned through all of this and something that has been quite freeing is how to relinquish control of what I can’t change. Life is going to happen the way it’s meant to whether we like it or not. We can either stay angry and fight the change, or embrace it, learn, and grow from it. I’ve always said that in every negative situation, you can find a positive, and in every positive situation, you can find a negative. I just depends on what you choose to focus on.
Instead of internalizing my feelings like I tend to do, I took a big step out of my comfort zone, and allowed myself to fall apart and truly FEEL my feelings. For months, I mourned what was unfairly taken from me, and went through the motions to finally find acceptance of my not so average new life. I am forever thankful for those who were there for me, checked on me, and continue to be there keeping my family in their thoughts.
Despite the uphill battles myself and my family still have ahead of us, we know now more than ever that together, and with our amazing support system, we can get through ANYTHING.
We are picking up the broken pieces and using them to rebuild our foundation even stronger than it was before.
Thank you for reading! I will post updates as we receive them as well as fun family moments to come!
Love and light to you all. 🌟
Not Your Average Thirties 